Musings and Rantings

Read at Own Risk

Oi Vey! It's been a while!
I just realized that I haven't posted in this in FOREVER!

So, let's see. Changes.

Joe and I are trying to have a baby. We've been trying to conceive for about seven months and haven't had much luck. I think there's something wrong with me, but military insurance means that the doctors won't look into anything until we've been trying unsuccessfully for a year. God-damn it.

Aside from that, things have been both good and bad. I like my job. Good. Joe and I are doing great. Also good. My mom has a form of cancer that's blood-related. Bad. The doctors don't think it's fatal. Good. She's coming to stay with us for a few days in June. Also good.

So, yes. I'd say more, but my life isn't all that exciting, lol. Joe is writing a story and wants me to collaborate with him, which is beyond fucking awesome. He's also thinking of writing an anime and wants me to illustrate it. Not so sure how I feel about that. My drawing has improved a lot over the years, but I don't think it's anything worth publishing. Although I'm thinking of writing something outside of fanfiction. I wanna do a survivor/horror, sci-fi thing. Just not sure what yet.

But no vampires. Fuck it. Twilight ruined that for me.

And if vamps are involved, it's the 'True Blood' angry/violent/sadistic/fucking awesome vamps.

Rawr, baby.

I'm Still Sittin', Waitin', Wishin'

Well, a little over a week since we sent a request to Kadena for my medical clearance, and we still have no answer. This is frustrating as fuck. Jesus. I just want an answer so I know where the hell I'm going in life, you know? GAH! Anyway, besides that, I went to PA to visit my family. My grandma and my sisters adore  Joe and the kids. My grandma looked beyond thrilled to play with them and they LOVED my family. The only person who wasn't there was my mom.

I know that she and I are fighting, and I don't feel comfortable being around her either, but still. This could be her last chance to see me before I move to the other side of the world. The last chance to meet her grandchildren for a few years. I thought maybe she and I could put our distances aside and make amends. I guess not. I don't know what to do about it anymore.

I just want a break. :(

I'm still alive!

So, to anyone who reads this, I'm still alive, I swear! I've just gone through hell and back and am kind of still in a daze about it. O_O

OKAY! Let's start off with a general idea of what in fuck's sake I've been up to.

1. I left Wawa and Bethlehem, and moved in to another house with Steve and some friends. (FUCK WAWA!)

2. My dad died. 
    He bought me my wedding dress on a Saturday, we spent Father's Day together the next day, and that was the last time I saw him alive. Apparently he'd had a diabetes-related heart attack a few days later. I couldn't get a ride to his house, so I sent the police there after I couldn't get ahold of him all week, and they found him dead in his bedroom. I tried to notify my mom, but she refused to talk to me. I notified everyone else, went to the morgue the next day to see him and get his things, and then my aunt and I planned his funeral and cleaned out his apartment. I also managed to get Joe home early from Qatar on emergency leave. If he wasn't there when all of this happened, I would have died. I'm not kidding. My mom and I wound up in a fight a few days after he died, and she blames me for it and says she hates me. Well, whatever. That's fine.She and I haven't spoken since, and I still haven't had the chance to properly grieve him.

3. Joe and I had our wedding at his parents' house in Arizona (which is a beautiful state, btw). It was perfect. Steve walked me down the aisle and gave me away. Joe's vows were priceless. They were very sweet and heartfelt, and then he promised to protect me from "zombies, vampires, werewolves, and sentient robots looking for reasons of their own existence". I vowed to protect him when the zombie apocalypse comes. :)

4. I'm hopefully moving to Japan in 2 weeks. It all depends on my medical clearance. The docs here said my health is fine, it just needs to be maintained with medication, and I should see a nuerologist and rhuematologist quarterly. Normally, that'd be fine. Only Okinawa may not have a rhuematologist, and so they might not clear me. And if they don't, Joe has to try to cancel his orders. And if he can't, then he still has to go to Okinawa and I still have to stay here. I can barely make it through the 5-7 months he's gone on deployment. 3 years without him will kill me, no lie.

So, yeah. I'm stressed, but hanging in there. :-/


Only Meant Well (Challenge)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Joss Whedon.
Title: Only Meant Well
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Buffy, Faith, Spike, Wood
Emotion: Blah
Spoilers: Set during season 7's 'Touched'.
Summary: Faith's thoughts after sleeping with Wood.

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Update on life. Yay?
Hello, all. Or the two or three people that read this, haha. So, I've been working 40+ hrs a week at work (apparently I have an amazing work ethic) although the majority of the people I work with are complete assholes. Oh well. What else is new?

I went shopping for Joe's care package yesterday. I bought him a black zip-up hoodie, a monster-sized bottle of Excedrine, ringdings, lotion and some other shit, along with the letters I've been writing every day. Yay!

I still miss him horribly. It still hurts. And I feel like my spark is gone. :(

But every day that I wake up I remind myself to just get through the damn day, and the next, and the next, and eventually it'll be July.

The snow/ice on the ground isn't helping me feel better about it, though. :-/

Did you date anyone this past summer?
Yeah. I was with Brandon for a little bit (*gag*), and then met my incredible husband! Yay! :)

If you could get rid of anything in this world, what would it be?

Poverty! :D

Whens the last time you talked with the opposite sex on the phone?
Two days ago.

Have you ever gone out with somebody just because you didn't want to be alone?
Yes. Amber was that girl. Yeesh, what a mistake!

Do you like coffee?

Ever been so anxious or overwhelmed that it felt like you couldn't breathe?

Do you flip people off while driving?
Yes. lol

Do you like to grocery shop?
Actually, yes.

Are you getting engaged anytime soon?
Um... I'm already married.

What are you thinking about right now?
Going to the bank after this.

Parents divorced?

What were you doing eight o'clock this morning?
Making cereal! Aooo!

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

What are you doing tomorrow?
Working. :(

Last thing you purchased?

Plans for the upcoming weekend?

How many piercings do you have?

Do you think tattoos on the opposite sex are attractive?

Do you know any songs that are older than you are?

To other people of your age, would you be considered 'NORMAL'?
Probably not.

Could you forgive a boyfriend/girlfriend who physically hurt you?
I did before. But I sure as fuck didn't go back to him.

Do you like peanut M&M's?

Do you enjoy math?

Who was the last perso​n you sang with?
Steve and Lea!

Do you like water parks?
Damn right!

What was your last phone conversation about?
Hmm.... A bunch of crap.

Last place you went to eat out?
Mama Nina's! :)

When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life?

Circle (Challenge)
Gah! Deleted this by mistake, so I re-posted it. Damn me. ^^;;

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Coupons (Challenge)
Coupons (Challenge)Collapse )

And these solitary moments makes me want you to come back home
So, Lea let me borrow her webcam. I've been making vids for Joe and posting them on facebook, like a completely love-sick dork. Oh well. I can't help him. I miss him so much right now, it's ridiculous. :(

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In-Synch (Challenge)

Alrighty, so I was reading fluffybkitty's fics, and saw that she was doing a '100 mood challenge'. Basically it entails writing a story for each of the moods available on LJ. I thought it seemed like a fun challenge, so I've decided to undertake it. :)


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Missing You

I miss him.

It hit me today, so acute and sharply that for a second I had no breath.

For once, it felt like I could literally feel the distance between us, and it felt immense and terrible.

I just have to keep busy.

July will come.



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